Disappointment

~ paeansunplugged

Day 18: First time you were disappointed

I am my parents’ first disappointment

my birth left all their plans in complete disarray

that disappointment seeped deep into my soul

and from birth I have remained steeped in it!

None of my achievements

nor my accomplishments

could erode their despondency

the hurt and accusation in their eyes

blamed me for my chromosomes!

Disappointment corroded my innards

my tear dampened heart aggravated matters

my rusty, creaky, broken soul could not be fixed

and life seemed such a burden!

But I am a hardy one;

somehow bloomed despite the thorns

forsook my jittery ways

to embrace life-affirming ones

so when love came a knocking

I welcomed it with open arms!

Now having passed my dna to a cherub of angelic smiles

who is the ruler of my Kintsugi heart

I have got over my parents’ disappointment

by giving birth to an adorable, prayed for daughter!

(Written for OctPoWriMo)

This is not about me. But it is a sad reality for many a girl child in India. My disappointments seemed very trivial compared to the tribulations they face!

52 thoughts on “Disappointment”

  5. Oh my gosh…I was ready to cry.

    This was so wonderfully expressed. Such things that go on in the world and often we are blind. Love that you shine a beautiful light on this with your poetry my dearest. You are such a gem
    ā¤ļøšŸ’œšŸ’œ

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    1. My personal disappointments seemed nothing compared to this. I wanted to highlight this too happens. Thank you so much for your heartfelt response. I am touched, dear. Thank you so very much. šŸ™šŸ¼ā¤ļøšŸ’™

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  10. The feeling of being a disappointment is so corrosive like you say. I loved the ending, that bought a smile to my face, and beautiful lines like
    ā€œ…the ruler of my Kintsugi heartā€.

    Wonderful poem dear friend ā¤ļøā¤ļø

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    1. It is a sad story played out in many homes. But I also wanted to highlight the gradual change that is coming. Moreover I like to end on a happy note! šŸ˜Š
      I felt Kintsugi would be very apt here. Thank you so much, Rachel. Your words bring warmth. ā¤ļøā¤ļø

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      1. ā€œAnd warmth is the leitmotif of lifeā€

        Another great line of yours oh wise one (hope I quoted it right, seems youā€™ve etched your poetic lines in my memory!).
        ā¤ļøā¤ļø

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  12. Hard to imagine that a parent could be disappointed by their child. I’m glad that things are changing, it just seems to take a long time. A wonderful narrative bringing attention to this injustice.

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  13. There is a callousness shown by a parent who prefers a baby born a particular gender, for whatever reason. It’s like looking a gift horse in the mouth. I hope one day our world sees gender equality.

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  14. I was glad to read it was not a personal story, as I knew that in many countries/cultures a son is preferred…in the US, if the first child is a boy it often brings relief, and then a daughter may be easily welcomed afterward. And I love how the daughter in your piece “bloomed despite the thorns”–a warrioress born to be a blessing! ā¤ ā¤ ā¤

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    1. Thanks a lot, Z. Here the gender ratio is skewed against women but things are changing. A son is still preferred as first born, then if a daughter follows she is accepted happily.
      I wanted it to end on a positive note. šŸ™‚ā¤ļøā¤ļø

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      1. I appreciate the positive finale greatly, as that’s what I’m trying to achieve as well–we can do it!! šŸ™‚ ā¤

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  17. There’s a certain madness in how we believe, even desire destructive ideals, and justify them. The worst bit is blaming others when they can’t be as desired.

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