No solace

Thorny thoughts snag my thrumming mind

their projections piercing precarious, palsy-ridden peace

interrupting the sluggish chugging of life at will

muddying the already muddied lees.

Their insidious invasion with incessant cries

peoples my brain with fears known and unknown

the eerie silence that shrouds my surroundings

shatters into shards on which I lay my emotions.

I try to unfurl the mixed metaphors of life

instead my truths lie unlaced and unraveled

their ugly nakedness pushing me into the arms of wanton darkness

but, I realise, the dark environs have hidden agendas.

I fear every new morning that reveals unfamiliar demons

an uneven fight ensues every day

beaten and broken I sit hugging my knees

“This too shall pass” provides no solace.

These times

The cavilling crescent cowers in a corner of the caliginous skies

cacophonous ambulances going nowhere

pierce the dead of night with wailing sirens

frantic, futile search for succour coming to a naught

vacant-eyed corpses carrying  casket-less corpses

to crammed, overflowing with cadavers, cremation grounds

despair and devastation running amok on empty streets

the stench of hopelessness making the air evermore putrid

guilt, at being alive at such times, chokes uneven breaths

life loses purpose during calamitous times.

Isolation

Today a young, successful actor in India committed suicide. The reasons are not known and maybe will never be actually known.

The room is full of people; clinking glasses and laughter

I have thousands of followers on twitter

everyday I get so many likes

my whatsapp is always buzzing

but I am feeling so empty inside.

I have an opinion on everything

my insta is updated every hour

I Photoshop my pics to my liking

I follow all who matter in the showbiz

but why am I so unhappy tonight?

My parents are simple people

I am too ambitious for them

my bff too is a small town person

who wants to be bigger than me

I have scores of work friends

we hang out everyday after work

but I have no one with whom

I can share all that troubles me.

I have to be ahead and better

I can not lose this race

I have to beat others at any cost

I can’t bear to be a laggard

I have to have all I can have

and then some more to top it up

but whatever I have acquired till now

gives me no pleasure any more.

No one knows the real me

no one cares for my feelings

no one can hear when I cry within

No one has time for me

I myself have completely lost touch

with the person I actually was.

I want to lie down for a while

I want to cry my heart out tonight

I want to scream and be heard

I want answers to my whys

But most of all I want to be just me

I am tired of not being me

I want to curl up and die.