The odour of fear is sickly sweet
it oozes out of sweat pores
covering the body in pusillanimous goop
attracting the life force sucking vampires
in the guise of self doubt and low self esteem
feeding with frenzy till no remnant of self is left
which illustrates the fact
we are our own worst enemy.
The earthly endeavours keep us too busy
you are tied to your job, I, to housekeeping
the everyday ordinariness robs magic
from what was supposed to be
a life of tempests, sublimity and passions
ennui was never a part of the promises we made
so I have taken upon myself
where we can move beyond the prosaic
to something that truly embodies
what we mean to each other.
I have felt love
it is like a whiplash
across the heart
making it beat
ever so fast
then it ensconces
in an embrace so warm
I have touched love
it is like touching
a live wire emitting sparks
it electrifies
and makes dance
every nerve ending
raising goosebumps
with its tenderness
I have tasted love
sweet and sour
like a tangerine
sometimes with
a bitter aftertaste
it leaves me satiated
but hungry all the same
wanting for more
But you, my dear,
play with love
toying with it
and then discarding
it with disdain
like a bored child
throws away a toy
its newness worn out.
The wanton ghosts from the past are incorrigible
they always arrive unannounced
giving me no time to prepare
to arm myself with indifference
to not let them touch or jostle me
to disallow their very existence
they are fleet-footed and agile
occupying every inch of my mind space
hectoring and tormenting simultaneously
when they finally leave, after toying with me
I am in an even greater mess than I usually am!
I dislike the sun that peeps
through the porthole to caress you awake
I am jealous of the breeze that ruffles
your hair as you stand on the deck
I resent the salt spray that kisses
your face in the middle of the ocean
I envy the moon that embraces
you when you keep watch on the bridge
as I am overtaken by such
ridiculous but toxic notions
that cause misery in my mundane life
I countdown in frenzy
the days left for you to return
and to keep such insidious thoughts at bay
I mitigate my heartache with this…
the sun, the moon, the sea and the breeze
act as my proxy when
you are lonesome and desolate.
I was mesmerised by the extravaganza
of the raibow hued dreams
that you beguilingly spun
my eyes a receptacle of the
brilliant colours you mixed
each colour branding various parts of me
and I happily became your canvas
alas! the colours were not fast
some bled, some faded away
I am now an unrequited, discoloured rag
cast aside with disdain
let me disabuse you of the notion
that I am now moribund
if only you had seen
beyond my satin smooth skin
you might have noticed my spine of steel
I was resolute when I loved you against all odds
I am resolute about taking care of myself.
I sit still as I scout oblivion
silhouetted against the horizon
no answers come forth
and this nothingness
shapes the hollow in my heart
I switch my gaze closer home
to upturned question marks
lurking all around
broken, I willingly drown in your
disconcertingly clear eyes
only to be rescued
on the edge of tears
which pool into the hollow to heal
the passage from eternity to now
is wrought with timeless passion
I love this oblivion.
The broken arrows of time pin me to the past
causing a suffocatingly sweet ache
the sweetness which stings and kills me
but the ache that plays with me and keeps me alive
I desperately seek shelter
to lick my purple wounds with a forked tongue
that beguiles with sepia toned future
while spinning multi hued tales of yore
I measure this pain in handfuls
that I bury feverishly in my chest
my coherent thoughts turning shambolic
I look up to the heavens for relief
the king of days, the sun
looks at me with disdain
the prince of nights, the moon
laughs at my predicament
the myrmidon stars look pityingly, as I lie prone
reminding me not to mess with time
so I allow time to mess with me.
The truth of this moment is
I am a woman
the truth of this moment is
you are a man
the rest is meaningless
when one learns to live in the moment
everything else ceases to exist
perhaps this is the only way to live
I find myself hungry
despite the glut
of news on offer
authenticity lacking
in a race for TRPs and
pleasing political bosses
I am bombarded
from all sides by the social media
updating me about
the entire universe’s shenanigans
I suffer a meltdown
when all I see around
is hatred, untruth and deceit.
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