A mouthful of poetry

Hungover nights deteriorate further and spend their time

in the company of the mooching bruised purple sky

between the dog-eared books of poetry

dried flowers crackle with remembered fragrance

along the well worn out wooden floor

dreams crawl blindly on spidery legs

amidst all this I can clearly hear

the slow whirring of my mind

singing a sibilant soliloquy of solitude

a catharsis of chiffon emotions frees me

what the eyes don’t see, the soul reads

abrasion of brazen sensations

leave a trail on the bronze tips of fingers

I surrender to the whisky voice of poetry

smooth, smoky and strong

a mouthful, and I am drunk for life

floating on the rainbows of sublimity.

After you left

My door drooped with depressing delusions

contemplating a complete close down

the flimsy curtains vainly tried to shoulder the pain

only their innate exuberance kept them feebly fluttering in the breeze

soft whispers lay entrapped in the dilapidated walls

never sleeping yet unable to force the issue

keeping my eyelids pinned open, staring vacantly

congeries of emotions lay congealed on the cold marble floor

I bit into a slice of pain drying on the windowsill

the back of my throat, drier than a desert, ached endlessly

the sheets on the bed crumpled like cracked glass

leaving longitudinal lacerations on my naked body

lightning failed to illuminate the penumbra of my fragmented heart

So I sit under the shroud of stars every night

as the wolf moon joins me in singing dirges till the morning

the sallow sun saunters into my courtyard

dropping a bowl of pity in my lap

the voiceless scream that had been tapping in my chest

sinks to my stomach tiredly

my muddled mind is a morass of emptiness

unable to take a categorical stand

I cradle the un-grieved losses in my arms

the futility of living never more unbridled than now.

Unpalatable truth/ palatable lie

Nostalgia blurs the rough edges
bringing into sharp focus
only the pleasurable moments
making past a perfect browsing ground.

Avoiding a jab of reality
living in soft focus
often makes present palatable
in the present times.

Closing our eyes
masking our true selves
not living by our own rules
will our future be a photoshopped life!

https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2021/01/21/reenas-exploration-challenge-169/

What do you see # 66 – January 25 2021

Resolution

I sit still

your angry words wash over me

I shiver with chills.

Words that drip from my fingers unbidden

refuse to slide down my tongue

I choke on them.

Always retreating mutely

never comfortable with arguments

silence my retort.

Tears traumatized by your temper

find a realise at night

my sodden pillow holds many secrets.

Anything can spark

accusations, finger pointing

flogging dead horses.

Painfully pedantic

you fly off the cuff easily

wreaking vendetta at the unsuspecting me.

Emptying your bowels of vitriol

calmness descends on you

I am left seething.

This casts long shadows

on the love we share

chinks begin to appear.

I know I am not the problem

your past causes insecurities

yet your diatribe hurts.

But “we” is more precious than you or me

so I start (with great difficulty)

a fight back.

Staying quiet no longer an option

communication holds the key

dawning of newer milestones.

Eugi’s Weekly Prompt – Dawning – January 21, 2021

VJ’s Weekly Challenge: The other side

Another poem was published in the Visual Verse. You can read it here.

Frangible feelings (a pantoum)

I flatten each folded, frangible feeling
sealing different hued envelopes carefully
for the time, from the world concealing
these notes to self, dance ruefully!

sealing different hued envelopes carefully
I hang them by the gossamer thread of hope
these notes to self, dance ruefully
their fate depends on being given enough rope!

I hang them by the gossamer thread of hope
to put distance between self and emotions
their fate depends on being given enough rope
in the meantime I just go through the motions!

to put distance between self and emotions
a plastic smile I plaster on my face
in the meantime I just go through the motions
surely living like an automaton is no disgrace!

a plastic smile I plaster on my face
my feelings in limbo, my inner demons akimbo
surely living like an automaton is no disgrace
yet storm clouds gather at my window

my feelings in limbo, my inner demons akimbo
I try to quell the war of nerves within
yet storm clouds gather at my window
I can’t lose control and go in a tailspin

I try to quell the war of nerves within
for the time, from the world concealing
I can’t lose control and go in a tailspin
as I flatten each folded, frangible feeling.

What do you see # 65- January 18 2021

A harangued homemaker holds forth

I am taken aback by the hiss of dissent
an angry spluttering follows
splattering me with icy coldness
on this mellow winter morning!

I try again
this time there is empty noise
the hissing continues
with a bit of frothing at the mouth!

I exclaim loudly in anger
muttering profanities under my breath
I should have taken the nut brown appearance yesterday
as a portent of things to come!

The tear shaped drop hanging precariously
clinging for life to the faucet
seems to smirk at my tears of frustration
adding to the unmitigated covid anxieties!

We don’t get any snow
nor was there scheduled repair work
how dare the water I take for granted
play hooky at will to throw my life out of gear!

Frantic calls hither and thither
reveal the vile, bitter truth
the rising ammonia levels had forced
the water board to halt the supply!

The dry tap seemed to mock me
reprimanding me for my callousness
had I had a strategy and been a prudent user
I wouldn’t have faced this shortage!

The sink full of dirty dishes look on defiantly
(I had not done them inspired by Susi!)
leery laundry languished
my home suddenly looked a mess!

With a sigh I flop down dejected
glad that the rest of the flock was snugly asleep
without the morning cuppa
my mind still in the realm of foggy understanding!

I send prayers to the lord I don’t believe in
I rashly promise to be more woke
I mentally tie a knot
to remember to store water henceforth!

As the arms of the clock inch closer
to the time of wfh schedule
I make one more trip to the tap
to cajole it to spring forth!

And miracles of miracle!
water gurgles grudgingly, then gushes
taking mercy on my predicament
I sink at the sink with heartfelt thankfulness.

https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2021/01/14/reenas-exploration-challenge-168/

( If the poem doesn’t make much sense, please tap on the link above for the challenge for which it was written)

WTH, WFH!

I am an unwelcome intruder in my own citadel
my diligently built fortress run over by night crawlers
a glare, a scowl, a stare
I slink back sheepishly to nowhere!

Bent busily over their machines, they go about their operations
making me feel utterly useless and unwanted as they finish their assignments
the day time squatters of my prime property
banish me from my own domain with alacrity!

No laundry, no dishes, no talking or sleeping
mute and invisible, hands on for trouble shooting
I am their safety valve but the roiling in my inner
like the pressure cooker on constant simmer!

My feelings crest and crash regularly
delight on a vacation, sleep is of late, a foe
restlessness and angst come and go
I laugh, live and love despite the gnawing hollow!

The dark night of my soul has never been darker than now
there seems no heuristic approach
I need a break from the cacophony of familial obligations
I look for satisfaction, am tired of reconciliations!

I don’t care what’s right or wrong
I won’t try to understand
let the devil take tomorrow
But tonight I need a friend and how!

The answers are all there within for a picking
no matter the darkness all around
chin jutting out, head held high
I embark on inwards journey with a sigh.

The doors are dark and open with difficulty
the burgeoning clouds of despair mar my sight
yet I espy clear sky, onwards I move resolutely
In 2021 I wake up to redefining my identity.

https://reinventionsreena.wordpress.com/2021/01/07/reenas-exploration-challenge-167-2/

VJ’s Weekly Challenge: What Pulls on Your Soul?

https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2021/01/08/help-me-make-it-through-the-night-challenge-173/

What do you see # 64

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer

I cannot reiterate enough how many times last year blogger friends helped me directly or indirectly, through their comments or posts to face the uncertainties of last year.The blogging community helped me stay sane in these insane times. Anyone who takes time to visit my site, read my poems has my utmost gratitude. I usually try to write a gratitude post once a year but this year it is also going to be an appreciation and acknowledgement post inspired by VJ”s weekly challenge.

VJ, thank you for this challenge and I wish you good health and best of luck with your memoirs.

I would like to especially thank the following for having my back, encouraging me, empathising with me and just being there. (I am going in alphabetical order)

To Bojana…. Let me confess, I am in awe of your talent. Our writing styles are very different but we feel the same way about a lot of things. You have been instrumental in some of my works getting published by always sharing details of various publishing journals. I am indebted for it. I wish you good health and hope to see your book published soon.

To Debika…You are such a pure soul and your support from almost the very beginning has meant a lot. I cherish our friendship. I wish you happiness and I do hope no one hurts you with their insensitivity.

To Gabriela… I am amazed at how you find time to stay in touch with all your followers, leaving amazing comments, get published, write gorgeous posts and teach! Your comments always mean a lot. I wish you good health and I do hope to see your novel published this year.

To Kate…Know that your perceptive presence as well as your rock solid support in my life is much appreciated, sis. I value your push towards getting my poems published. In fact I admire your unstinting support to so many bloggers! I wish you are able to sell your little house soon and that you continue to shine your light on others.

To Tracy… I would like you to know comment-chats with you are always treasured. I so love your mosaics and find nothing untidy about your mind. Your writing is very cogent. I wish this year and all the coming years are good, health and anxiety wise. I do hope you write more poetry this year.

It would not be right if I don’t mention some other bloggers I admire and am grateful to.

Thank you, Irma, for being who you are. I so value your integrity and commitment to causes that mean so much to me too. Your verses always resonate.

Thank you Sadje for always finding time to read and comment. Know that I am so grateful for your appreciation.

Thank you Victoria Ray, Heather, Megha Sood, Matt for being there from almost the beginning. You all are very special. Heather your appreciation is held in high regard.

Thank you David R for your encouragement when I needed it the most and your continued visits.

Thanks a lot Chuck for your reblogs.

Thank you, Jim. I started writing multi prompt poetry inspired by your posts.

Thank you Ivor, Li, Paul C and Paul S, Shantanu, Sakshi, Miriam, Nina, Nadine, Eugenia, Fiery, Moushmi, Jenna, Mich, Pallavi, Sarika, Kritika, Christine Bolton, Satyen, Ishita, Aishwarya, Usha, Priya, Jude, Jeff, Jen, Val, Cheryl, Roshni, Nima, Jaya, Richa, Chris, Goutam, Little Charmer, Reena, David A, Lia for leaving wonderful, heartwarming comments.

Thank you also Robyn, Irene, Ruth, IJ, Fandango,Nayana, Anjali, Pragti, Sonia, SaphilopeS, Dr.Juri, Mel, AJ, Lluìs, Soumitra, Lidia, Susie, Jennifer, Bombay Ficus, Sumeet, Susi, Eric, Shaunak, Carol, Jay-lyn, Prerna, Samreen, Saania, Angela, Vall and Lorraine.

Thanks all others who occasionally visit or comment.

I miss Inky and Gina, who have left blogging. They were a great inspiration. I miss Rachel, Andrew, ESP, Yasmin and Parikhit who are not blogging these days. I am also missing Avia/Zael/ L sorely.

I may have missed a few names. I am deeply sorry for that. Please know that I blog because I want to share my writing. I love getting feedback and connecting with fellow bloggers. I know some of you are not very comfortable with conversations here or don’t have time, I appreciate your likes. I also understand if you don’t like a post, because if it does not resonate or is not like worthy, you shouldn’t like it.

Thank you, all of you. Please keep giving me your honest feedback.

Torment

Secrets, like bile, rise to her throat
corroding it completely

the barbed wire texture lends raspiness to her voice

she pushes them down with a tablet for acidity

shame keeps tumbling out of her innards

her skin, tired of containing it, sags

she lives behind curtains

covering herself in diaphanous shadows

her limpid pools threaten to spill her pain

she shutters them with blankness

glassy-eyed to the world

as she sits to sew a quilt of comfort
stabbing the needle fervently

her fingers spill blood forming marbled patterns

she draws a rainbow on the cold mosaic floor

black clouds gather in the skies threateningly

her words are starved of oxygen

she dare not let them breathe in paper

fearing their mutiny

her mind is a minefield of morbid melancholy
she laughs throatily lest it explodes.