Hiraeth

The stirrings were intense

leaving my stomach in a churn

my cheeks damp and my heart all overflowing

When I land there, I am taken aback

I tell my smote heart to not lose it

to my consternation my clothes are all wrong

I had tried to dress the traditional way

but the way I carry them makes me stand out

the syllables that proudly roll off my tongue

though similar to theirs

have an alien accent even to my own ears!

the sights, the sounds which I had imagined

had pulled my strings all these years

now leave me strangely uncomfortable and rueful

my crinkling of nose and exasperated sighs

though smothered, are frowned upon

the whispering behind my back is hard to miss

I smile awkwardly

gulping the too sweet milky tea hastily

scalding my tongue and heart

I long to go back

but that home is also not home

all these years that I have spent

have stayed as an outsider,

standing on the periphery never belonging

tethered to the memories of my supposed roots

and now I stand exposed

floating in a limbo

not sure where home is.

Ragtag Daily Prompt Saturday: Hiraeth