
By the banyan tree in the courtyard
Freezing in the cold January night
Passion died under the onslaught of ego
At the altar of doubt, love felt forsook
Its last breath darkened the already dark night
Blossoming romance couldn’t survive till daylight.
By the time dawn removed the curtain of tenebrosity
Freezing earth had thawed, shedding rivulets of tears
Passion couldn’t remain moribund any longer
At the retreat of self-aggrandizement,
Its fire revived again, its flames stoking fervour
Blossoming again into all consuming ardour.
Written for dVerse MTB. Today’s host, Laura, has asked us to choose ONE of the following lines and write a stanza(s) taking each word as the start of each successive line i.e. the first word begins the first line, the second begins the second and so on.
Rules: You must keep the same sequence though you may reverse it
Your poem should preferably be at least 2 stanzas long
Rhyme is optional but try to stick to the meter of your chosen line.
- Since there’s no help, come let us kiss and part
- Shake hands for ever, cancel all our vows
- By freezing passion at its blossoming
- I guard her beauty clean from rust
- Quail from your downward darting kiss
I have selected Neil Carpathios’ line.
“At the altar of doubt, love felt forsook” … wow! So powerful! Wonderful response to the prompt, Punam. Your poetry never fails to move me 💕🙂
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Harmony, so appreciate your feedback. Thank you so much. 🙂❤️
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💖
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you have woven that line so beautifully and barely discernibly into this passion poem – bravo!
“At the altar of doubt, ” speaks volumes!
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Laura, thanks so much. I am truly delighted that you liked it.
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I really feel that it’s often those rivulets of tears that can ignite the passion again… the resolution to the lost passion in the second stanza was so uplifting.
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I agree, tears can do that. Thanks, Björn.
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I like the way the same words lead us into love lost, and then back into love regained. Very neatly done.
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Sarah, thanks so much!
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So silky smooth this is. I love the way each line in the first stanza is resolved in the second as passion re-ignites.
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Glad you liked that, Mish! Much appreciated.
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Punam I do love how the passion was rekindled in the 2nd stanza. So deftly done.
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Li, thanks a lot! ❤️
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You’re very welcome, Punam ❤
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A passionate poem so tenderly worded Punam …💕🤗😍
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Ivor, thank you! 🤗💙🙏🏼
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Very nicely done, Punam!
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Thanks so much, Dwight!
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You are welcome!
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Awesome poem Punam! Love the words you’ve used to describe the death and rebirth of love.
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Sadje, thanks a lot!
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You’re most welcome
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Passion is hard to keep down, Mom Nature and God both voted for it.
Well told for my reading, thank you.
..
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Thanks, Jim.
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I like rhe waves of falling and rising in the words. (K)
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Thanks, Kerfe.
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Very powerful piece Punam! Excellent write… 👍🏼
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Rob, thank you kindly.
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Oh wow! Love this!
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Thanks a lot, Carol! ❤️
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A passionate poem, Punam! ❤️🔥
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Ingrid, thanks a lot! ❤️
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Very clever how you used the same first words to get completely different results in the two stanzas!
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Thank you, Jane. 🙂
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🙂
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Passion resurrected in your poem, Punam, is passionate indeed! I love the way you create a sense of place with the banyan tree in the courtyard, and the excellent use of contrast in the final lines. My favourite lines:
‘Its last breath darkened the already dark night’
and
‘By the time dawn removed the curtain of tenebrosity
Freezing earth had thawed, shedding rivulets of tears’.
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Kim, your feedback is much appreciated! Thank you.
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Wow!! You took this prompt to another level- so good!
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Val, thanks so much! ❤️
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Passion died under the onslaught of ego
At the altar of doubt, love felt forsook
I felt these lines powerful, Punam.
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Jane, thanks for letting me know that these lines resonated. ❤️
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You are always welcome, Punam!
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This was quite fabulous – passionate and deeply moving.
I am very intrigued by Laura’s challenge I just might give it a go, even though I don’t consider myself much of a poet and I’m only about 98% sure I understand the rules completely lol!!
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Thanks so much, Nancy. You must give it a go (ie if you haven’t already, considering my late reply!)
Whether we are poets or not is for readers to decide. 🙂
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Lovely piece of writing Punam. A very tough rule to implement but you still crafted a wonderful poem 🙂
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Vignesh, much appreciated. A tough challenge can land either way. I am glad my poem could rise up to it.
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It always works well with you 🙂
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Death and resurrection of passion. I love it!!!
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Mary, thanks a lot!
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Punam your use of such rich language made this poem so passionate. It was an absolute pleasure to read. Well done! ☺️❤️
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Christine, thanks so much, my friend! 🥰❤️
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Gorgeous poem💙
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Maya, thanks a lot!
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“At the altar of doubt, love felt forsook
Its last breath darkened the already dark night”
Throughou the poem i sensed the lack of trust. But the above lines i think carry the theme heavily so
Much💖love
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Thanks, Gillena.
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Beautiful and romantic poems, Punam 💖
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Thanks a lot, Kamal.
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Most welcome Punam 💖
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Really cool, I enjoyed it. I think ‘the curtain of tenebrosity’ would make an awesome title.
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Christopher, thanks a lot.
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Oh you did absolute justice to this line you chose, Punam! Beautifully written and I love the duality at play, and how passion revived itself with the dawn! Stunning. Love these lines:
“Its last breath darkened the already dark night
Blossoming romance couldn’t survive till daylight.”
❤
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Sunra, my dear, thanks a lot! ❤️
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You’re most welcome, my chick ❤ 🙂
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Forsaken to fervor, absolutely stunning journey, Punam. Amazing write! ❤️
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Jeff, glad you enjoyed the journey! Thank you. ❤️
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You’re most welcome, my friend. Always! ❤️
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Brilliant use of personification here. The poems burns with passion.
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Nitin, thanks a lot! ❤️
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I see I misunderstood and only used one sentence dividing it into two stanzas. I like yours, how each is the opposite of the other!
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Thanks, Margaret. There were many who used one sentence and divided it. I love writing long verses so I used the same line twice. 🙂
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Wonderful write using the line. I could visualize this, in fact I think it would be a wonderful scene performed on stage.
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I love that you think so, Heather! Thank you so very much.
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My pleasure.
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Great!
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