Writing like Chandler (NaPoWriMo)

It was raining heavily
like the clouds couldn’t hold their bladders
there were just the two of them in the bar
like two proverbial strangers fated to meet
he thought she was like a double shot of brandy
on a freezing January night
she felt he was tepid
like afternoon’s leftover soup
the silence between them stretched
like a slack clothesline
his mind was forming words eagerly
but his tongue remained immovable like a bollard
finally her foghorn like voice broke the spell for him
he realised she was not a slip of a girl like the slip of tongue
when she rose she was lurching
like a battleship that had lost its moorings
he quickly exited like a startled beaver in the night.

Raymond Chandler

Today’s challenge is to channel your inner gumshoe, and write a poem in which you describe something with a hard-boiled simile. Feel free to use just one, or try to go for broke and stuff your poem with similes till it’s . . . as dense as bread baked by a plumber, as round as the eyes of a girl who wants you to think she’s never heard such language, and as easy to miss as a brass band in a cathedral.

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53 thoughts on “Writing like Chandler (NaPoWriMo)

  1. I am tickled and awe struck! The last 5 lines had me clutching my heart and my side! I didn’t know whether to feel sorry for her or sorry for him or just laugh and let them both be put out about my reaction!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hehehe… Punam you did put a big smile on my face dear. This last line even furthermore tickled my funny bone 🀣: “he quickly exited like a startled beaver in the night.” What a flit! πŸ˜…πŸ‘

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Punam, this is you at your best! I absolutely love this, it had me chuckling! πŸ˜€ Love every line, so hard to pick favourites but if I had to, these:

    “Like the clouds couldn’t hold their bladders”

    “the silence between them stretched
    like a slack clothesline”

    “finally her foghorn like voice broke the spell for him”

    “he quickly exited like a startled beaver in the night.”

    I love it when you’re rude like this in poems. Please be rude again soon, it suits you! πŸ˜€ ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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