Isolation

~ paeansunplugged

Today a young, successful actor in India committed suicide. The reasons are not known and maybe will never be actually known.

The room is full of people; clinking glasses and laughter

I have thousands of followers on twitter

everyday I get so many likes

my whatsapp is always buzzing

but I am feeling so empty inside.

I have an opinion on everything

my insta is updated every hour

I Photoshop my pics to my liking

I follow all who matter in the showbiz

but why am I so unhappy tonight?

My parents are simple people

I am too ambitious for them

my bff too is a small town person

who wants to be bigger than me

I have scores of work friends

we hang out everyday after work

but I have no one with whom

I can share all that troubles me.

I have to be ahead and better

I can not lose this race

I have to beat others at any cost

I can’t bear to be a laggard

I have to have all I can have

and then some more to top it up

but whatever I have acquired till now

gives me no pleasure any more.

No one knows the real me

no one cares for my feelings

no one can hear when I cry within

No one has time for me

I myself have completely lost touch

with the person I actually was.

I want to lie down for a while

I want to cry my heart out tonight

I want to scream and be heard

I want answers to my whys

But most of all I want to be just me

I am tired of not being me

I want to curl up and die.

67 thoughts on “Isolation”

    1. I am fine, Gabriela. I am truly touched by your concern. But a young life gone so soon…it does make one introspect.
      Thanks a lot, my dear. And your love gratefully received.❤️🌷💕

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      4. Yes, even though we feel guilty, it is not possible to be able to be present every time. We also have to learn to forgive ourselves for missing the signs or not being there. It doesn’t help our mental health if we keep feeling guilty.
        Thank you so much, Barbara, for sharing your thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Mental Health is such an important issue. We live in a world that appears so connected that we don’t always deeply connect and see what is happening below the surface. You’ve done a great job of highlighting this.

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    1. You are so right…despite the connections we remain disconnected and the disconnect from reality can drive one over the edge. In India, we brush under carpet mental health issues. This should be a wake up call for all.
      Thank you, Heather.

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  6. Punam….you conveyed the meaning through your words. It was such a shock. Sushant was the least of actors someone thought would commit suicide. He was so young, so full of life, and what not?! Your poem brought the emotions of an unsettled mind to the front. People feel so suffocated under all that glamour….💔

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  14. Today, I am really shocked. Whenever I saw him in some cafe or Gym. I always saw him guy full of energy and always smiling. You never know what behind. I think it’s very necessary to take mental health seriously. Specially in todays time. Beautifully penned dear.

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  15. Such a sad poem. It touches on the problem of being an actor – they are always presenting a fabricated persona in the films and sometimes they lose touch with who they really are. Some turn to alcohol, others drugs, and some become so lost that they can’t carry on. Such a sorrowful thing. Your poem captures that so well.

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  17. a touching tribute to a troubled young star … so many ‘famous’ die about 30 yo.

    Makes one question if there is a vacuum inside left from the glittery show of their superficial careers … ‘superficial’ meaning pretending to be what they are not … they do have huge financial and fame rewards that ring hollow …

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  19. Oh wowza, this is gripping, Punam–suicide is always sad. I’ve made several attempts–it’s a horrible place to find yourself; and if you survive, people are not usually kind–they’re angry, judge you “selfish”, on and on–oblivious to how deep and sharp the agonizing misery. You wrote this so well ❤

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    1. I am so happy your attempts were unsuccessful!! We all have our reasons and which are right for us. But it is such a sad loss for everyone.
      Sending you lots of love and hugs and so happy to have you in my life. ❤️🤗

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  20. “I am tired of not being me.”….that one place is, where nobody should find himself in. What happened yesterday was really sad. I hope people bring out mental health issues out in the open more freely.

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  24. Sitting alone in the darkness, i shall think…
    What have i got and what do i want…
    For I came alone and alone shall I go….
    Across the wilderness, there may be a thousand stones…
    Di I turn them all, did i see underneath…
    Whom shall i blame..whom shall I curse…
    For I am alone and though shall i remain…
    Nor for this world, not for the skies, better not for anyone…
    I remain in me and aloof for all..

    Even though the path now is dark, dismay and grey
    But i shall find my light at the end of the way…
    I have got this life…which so many would dream of..
    Then why shall i shut it….in a path low and high.

    I shall fight, I shall win, and I shall be the guiding stars even for a sin.

    I will win, I will win….yes I will win
    ” Amit Bhat “

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      1. The word Suicide in itself is so horrible and painful, not for a person but whom he leaves behind.
        I have gone through this experience with a very close friend and trust me I didn’t cry a tear. But i cried for his 2 children.

        Liked by 1 person

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