The first meal I cooked for my gourmand beloved
Was a disaster from the word go
As I reached for the pan overhead
I ended up pulling the entire rack below!
With a bang and a clang
the pots and the pans started to fall
The racket alarming the entire neighborhood
Hastily, I gathered them all!
I poured the oil in the pan and lighted the gas stove
I added some cumin and dried red chillies
Turned to rummage through the drawer looking for a ladle
A pungent smell hit my nose and gave me the willies!
The chillies and cumin were charred black
The smell! Oh god the smell!
When it assailed me, I scarce could breathe!
I tried very hard my coughing to quell!
I rushed to open the windows all around
For I was sure I would be choking in no time
Undaunted, I started again from scratch,
My misadventure would not stop me this time!
Things didn’t go awry for a while
But when like seasoned chefs I tried tasting straight from the pan
I ended up scalding my tongue and palate
I could barely make out flavours, oh man!
I wailed like a banshee, running around clueless
Then popped an ice cube to numb the searing pain
I scarce knew the taste of what I cooked
Concentrating on making no mistake again!
Somehow I managed a three course meal
And laid the table with finesse and artistically
Camouflaging the not so appetising look with
Generous garnishes of coriander and parsley!
With a sprinkling of this and a dash of that
and a wedge of lemon on the top
My meal was eventually ready
I had after all pulled all stops!
When my husband walked in
he was surprised to say the least
And almost did faint
When he looked at the laid feast!
With a whoop of joy
he gathered me in his arms
And swung me around and did a jive
My man surely knows how to turn on his charms!
I popped a cutlet in his mouth
(as they show in the movies)
He let go of me suddenly
His eyes turning as red as rubies
His mouth on fire, tears streaming down his cheeks
He dropped me, I fell on the floor with a thud
As he rushed to the washroom
there was buzzing in my head!
I sat there on the floor, all perplexed
he came and sat next to me
Taking my hand, he looked deep into my eyes,
“Cooking is for lesser mortals like me!
Promise me, dear wife,
never again would you attempt cooking!”
we had the most satisfying takeaway dinner that night
now, that I would say was a fairy tale beginning!