Cooking up a storm

The first meal I cooked for my gourmand beloved

Was a disaster from the word go

As I reached for the pan overhead

I ended up pulling the entire rack below!

With a bang and a clang

the pots and the pans started to fall

The racket alarming the entire neighborhood

Hastily, I gathered them all!

I poured the oil in the pan and lighted the gas stove

I added some cumin and dried red chillies

Turned to rummage through the drawer looking for a ladle

A pungent smell hit my nose and gave me the willies!

The chillies and cumin were charred black

The smell! Oh god the smell!

When it assailed me, I scarce could breathe!

I tried very hard my coughing to quell!

I rushed to open the windows all around

For I was sure I would be choking in no time

Undaunted, I started again from scratch,

My misadventure would not stop me this time!

I kept everything handy and worked like a pro

Things didn’t go awry for a while

But when like seasoned chefs

I tried tasting straight from the pan

I ended up scalding my tongue and palate

I could barely make out flavours, oh man!

I wailed like a banshee, running around clueless

Then popped an ice cube to numb the searing pain

I scarce knew the taste of what I cooked

Concentrating on making no mistake again!

Somehow I managed a three course meal

And laid the table with finesse and artistically

Camouflaging the not so appetising look with

Generous garnishes of coriander and parsely!

With a sprinkling of this and a dash of that

and a wedge of lemon on top

My meal was finally ready

I had after all pulled all stops!

When my husband walked in

he was surprised to say the least

And almost did faint

When he looked at the laid feast!

With a whoop of joy

he gathered me in his arms

And swung me around and did a jive

My man surely knows how to turn on his charms!

I popped a cutlet in his mouth

(as they show in the movies)

He let go of me suddenly

His eyes turning as red as rubies

I fell on the floor with a thud

His mouth on fire, tears streaming down his cheeks

As he rushed to the washroom

there was buzzing in my head!

I sat there on the floor, all perplexed

he came and sat next to me

Taking my hand, he looked deep into my eyes,

“Cooking is for lesser mortals like me!

Promise me, dear wife,

never again would you attempt cooking!”

we had the most satisfying takeaway dinner that night

now, that I would say was a fairy tale beginning!