रिमझिम के तराने

The weather has been wonderful here, cloudy with light drizzle, these past few days so I am sharing an old poem.

यह जो रिमझिम रिमझिम झड़ी लगी

मन में कई अरमान जगा गई।

ठंडी ठंडी फुहार का मजा लेते हुए

जब मैं बरबस गुनगुना पड़ी

बेटी आँखें तरेर कर बोली,

‘पड़ोसी सोचेंगे पापा से आपको मार पड़ी!’

मैं मन मसोस कर चुप हो गई।

फिर सोचा कागज़ की किश्तियों से खेलूँ

बारिश में बचपन का मज़ा ले लूँ

किश्ती बना बेटे को आवाज दी

बेटा पैर पटक कर बोला,

‘मैं उस उम्र को पार कर चुका!

पर आप पर बचपना छा हुआ!’

झुँझला कर मैंने पतिदेव को पुकारा,

‘चलो बारिश में भीगें, कहीं पैदल चलें!’

पति ने हँस कर टाल दिया

‘ इस उम्र में क्या हड्डियों से हाथ धो लें?

ऐसा करो, गरमागरम पकौड़े बना लो!’

बच्चों ने भी सुर मिलाया, ‘हाँ माँ, कढ़ाई धर दो!’

सुलगते मन को और आग लग गई

गुस्से को पी मैंने उल्टे देने की ठानी

मीठी सी मुस्कान के साथ कहा, ‘इस उम्र में पकौड़े!

अरे तौबा करिए जनाब!

पड़ेंगे cholesterol के हथौड़े!

और बच्चों क्यों मुंहासों को दावत देते हो!

सेहत का ख्याल करो, भुने चने खा लो।’

उन सबके खुले मुँह देख कर कलेजे पर ठंड पड़ गई।

अपने मन का करने मैं उठ गई,

सहेली को फोन लगाया

और गुनगुनाती हुई,

कागज़ की किश्ती हाथ में लिए,

बारिश में भीगने मैं निकल गई।

(I tried translating it in English but sadly the humour was lost.
It is about a housewife who wants to enjoy the rains…sing and dance in the rain, play with paper boats. She is discouraged by her family. Instead, they ask her to prepare fritters ( bhajiyas/pakoras) and masala tea, a staple in most Indian homes during the monsoon. Angry at their reaction she decides to enjoy the rains sans her family. She calls up her friend and before leaving advises her family to have roasted nuts instead of oily health harming fritters!)

Well, Paul Sunstone wanted to read it, so I gave translation another try and here it is…

The light drizzle outside
awakened a string of longings in me
while enjoying the cool drops falling on me
I spontaneously started to hum
my aghast daughter squinted and hissed
‘Stop caterwauling! People will think dad hit you!’
with a heavy heart I stopped humming that instant.
Then I thought of reliving my childhood
made some paper boats and called out to my son
he angrily stomped his feet and wailed,
‘I am past my childhood
goodness knows why you behave like a child!’
Upset at the kids’ reaction, I called out to my husband,
‘Let’s go for a walk in the rain!’
Very deftly he joked about it,
‘Do you want to be laid up at this age with broken bones?
Why don’t you make some fritters for all?’
Immediately the kids responded,
‘Yes, why not, mom?
It was like lighting a fuse to my seething heart
I decided to give as good as I could
with a saccharin sweet smile I replied,
‘Don’t be crazy sweetheart! You’ll be raising your cholesterol levels to sky!
And dear kids, why do you want to invite acne?
Take care of your health, dears,
and make do with some roasted nuts!’
Their jaws dropped and they stared at me
I picked up the phone, called a friend
and humming a happy tune, with the paper boat in my hand
I stepped into the drizzle
to do what my heart desired!

72 thoughts on “रिमझिम के तराने

  1. I am so grateful to you for your translation, Punam! It comes across as witty, funny, charming, and defiant — four of my favorite things!

    I can understand where you must be coming from when you say it is hard to translate the poem, because the translation seems to be more literal than poetic. But the theme, wit, humor, charm, and defiance are captured anyway. I would call that “well done”!

    Thank you so much for that!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aww! You are very kind, Paul. You are right…even though I was translating my own poem, in trying to be true to the original, I had to sacrifice poetics!
      But if it still came across as ‘witty, funny, charming and defiant’, I am so very glad.
      Thanks for that “well done”!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Another thing that is striking about it — how many of us adults have lost our sense of play? That is something we should never lose, I think — and yet we so often do. Good to see not everyone loses it!

        Liked by 2 people

      2. We are certainly in agreement about that! I am sometimes accused of “not having grown up” — I’m not sure how often I’m being teased and how often I’m being criticized when I hear such things. LOL!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Let them eat roasted nuts! How many times have I wished to utter those words and take a walk in the rain without my rain boots. But alas, the mother in me feels she always has to be the practical one. Love the carefree and unabashed feeling in your words! I think that sense came out in your translation but I would still love to hear your poem spoken even if I won’t be able to understand it. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The beauty of this poem lies in it’s simplicity ❤️❤️❤️
    So simply you have a expressed so beautifully 👏👏
    I always go out for a walk in rains.Next time mujhe aawaz de Dena सहेली😍


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