How not to be a superwoman

For our first (optional) prompt, write a poem that provides the reader with instructions on how to do something. It can be a sort of recipe. Or you could try to play on the notorious unreliability of instructional manuals. You could even write a dis-instruction poem, that tells the reader how not to do something.

How not to be a superwoman

Disclaimer : Please do try this at home at the risk of your peaceful family life. You may omit a few steps without affecting the outcome. The writer of this manual will expect full credit once the desired results are achieved.

Begin by not getting up
when the alarm goes off
even better if you don’t set the alarm
let your child
( if she/he is not a toddler)
get ready and pack
their lunch on their own
and if they can’t
don’t feel remorseful
the sooner they learn
the joys of fasting
the later they will
have to battle obesity
let your other half
make his own
breakfast and tea/coffee
ask him to make yours too
don’t go to work
shoot off a nasty mail
to a colleague you can’t stand
order takeaway for self
and plonk yourself
in front of the idiot box
without an iota of guilt
better have a bottle of beer
and a tub of ice cream nearby
don’t do any laundry nor dishes
curb the urge to make the beds
also do not run that brush through your hair
forget about calling your mom
you are not tied to her apron strings any more
decline to take the kiddos
for music lessons or soccer practice
grumble to your heart’s content
in front of the family
how miserable your life is
refuse to invite his boss to dinner
throw a tantrum
when the family asks for dinner
walk in a huff to your room
and put on your favourite song
which they collectively dislike
and after a day
totally devoted to self
fall off to sleep like an angel
hey presto!
you will wake up as a normal person
but don’t spam my inbox
with thank you mails!